Fear Is Not The Enemy By Jacqueline Wales

The dictionary defines Fear as: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

The Christian Bible contains the directive ‘do not fear’ over two hundred times. The Hebrew Bible’s most repeated commandment is al tirah, ‘be not afraid’. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls it ‘an evil and corroding thread’ that weaves its way through our lives.

But fear is one of the most powerful motivating forces in the human experience. It is our clarion call. The signal that there is something we need to change in order to live a completely fulfilled life. Honoring this feeling is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.



How many of us would choose to experience fear on a frequent basis? On a menu of emotions, who would select fear as their favorite flavor? In fact, who among us wouldn’t go to great lengths to protect our loved ones from being trapped by this unsettling sensation? All of us know that fear is alarming, abrasive, unpleasant, and painful.

Fear is essentially a lack of belief in our ability to handle whatever comes our way. It is a fundamental lack of trust in You.

But Fear is also a basic fact of nature. Whenever we enter unfamiliar territory, we experience it. But knowing what it is and doing something about it is the difference between allowing it to control us, or controlling our reaction to it.

Fear is both instinctual and life saving. When it is kept in its rightful place, fear is actually a vital part of the human experience. In the case of an imminent attack, fear is our body’s alarm, telling us ‘There is danger here! Hide! Run! Fight back! Get help!’ The action needed is decided by a quick evaluation of the circumstances.

The jaguar tenses his body and fixes his gaze upon you from the branch overhead. A low growl rumbles from his throat and he bares his teeth for a fleeting instant. Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweaty, your mouth is dry, and your mind is racing a thousand words a second trying to figure out the best course of action. There is nothing else happening in the world except this. All your muscles are tense. Should you run, or is there something else you can do to make this go away?

Your body is efficiently launching into its ‘fight or flight’ reaction. Each aspect of this physiological event has its basis in preparing your body for combat or the quickest escape route. This reaction may be valuable to people actually encountering savage animals in the jungle. In our daily life, this magical trick doesn’t really help us much.

Instantly, when the fear alarm rings, our body prepares for the fight or flight reaction. It is actually quite fascinating, when you are not the one experiencing the overwhelming sensations. Blood immediately rushes to the core of the body, to dedicate its energy to the large muscles, leaving hands and feet cold. The heart pounds more quickly, in preparation for the physical exertion. Adrenaline courses through your body to provide a jolt of needed energy. Digestion shuts down and the body empties itself so you can run faster. Your mind drops focus on any other activity, to keep your attention directly on the matter at hand. This all makes perfect sense if you need to fight off an attack or flee from an enemy—it’s an amazing feature of this human body!

However, for many of us, fear has a warped place of prominence in our lives. In order to meet life’s demands and leap into our greatest dreams, we need to learn the real purpose of fear, where it has gone awry in our lives, and how we can direct it toward our future success.

Regrettably, fear does not just strike us when there is something life threatening, it can happen when entering a job interview or starting a new relationship. There are also innumerable versions of intense fear that that is attached to specific items or experiences-- phobias of certain things like spiders, airplanes, dogs, public speaking. Phobic reactions put your mind on steroids, multiplying the physical reaction times a million. At any given moment, this can be alarming, embarrassing, and absolutely crippling.

If you have too much fear stimulus, or if your life is filled with dangerous situations, our alarm goes haywire. It may sound constantly, or it might go off intermittently and at inappropriate times. But eventually, you can also reach a place where the alarm bells are no longer ringing. Fear has simply become a constant part of your life. One tragic aspect of a broken danger alarm is that it may not go off when it should. What if your home’s fire alarm ignored smoke and flame, but rang wildly whenever you started the dishwasher? Many of us live with internal alarms that are just as broken.

We all know people who enter one dangerous situation after another, with no notice of the hideous consequences coming their way. It seems their alarm has been warped to the other extreme. They don’t recognize obvious danger, but are terrified of everyday situations that develop into phobias. Anyone can see the insanity of a woman who writes letters to prison inmates but is afraid to ride the city bus; many of us exist in varying degrees with that same paradox. Perhaps we let fear stop us from applying for a new job--yet we don’t register any fear when driving without our seatbelt, applying for another credit card, or giving an abusive husband one more chance.

Fear helps us to avoid suffering. If you feel afraid when you walk near the edge of a cliff, perhaps you will instead stay a safe distance back from the precipice. If fear strikes when you feel a fire’s heat, hopefully you will position yourself away from the flames. Applying this to social situations, if you have been shamed by someone important in your life, you may avoid or sabotage friendships. If you were abused in any way, you learn not to trust. No one wants pain, discomfort, embarrassment, humiliation or rejection, so we create all kinds of reasons in our minds why we can’t go into a particular situation in order to avoid the consequences.

Remember, these are the stories we tell ourselves. These are the stories that you inherited from your parents, or other significant people in your life. These are the stories you told yourself in order to avoid being hurt and disappointed. These are the stories that no longer serve you. These are the habits you have created in your life.

In the jungle, you may occasionally discover quicksand. And by discover, I mean you may step into it and feel yourself lose your footing. This is our fear showing up. Quicksand is simply sand that is so full of water that it is colloidal—a solid and a liquid at the same time. It is not as dense as sand and cannot hold weight. But, since it is so much denser than water, it is very buoyant. If you fall in, the worst thing you can do is to start madly flailing about and fighting to survive. Struggle only worsens your chance of survival. You’ve seen it numerous times in the movies as people disappear into its bowels. It keeps you stuck and pulls you down.

The funny part, the amazing truth about quicksand, is that you can float if you would just relax. Quicksand is not alive, it is not attacking you, and it doesn’t care if you drown hideously, avoid it altogether, or simply float up and wriggle across the surface, leaving with your pockets full of sludge. If you know about quicksand; if you accept that it exists in the jungle and keep an eye out for it; if you realize it is merely a geological phenomenon and not a crazed creature trying to suck you under and destroy you; if you are trained in how to deal with quicksand encounters, it is just a part of life. It loses its terrifying place as a super-villain, the jungle becomes a lot less frightening, and your ability to navigate your surroundings has increased exponentially.

Fear is quicksand. We can stop thrashing about in it, and learn how to maneuver through it. The question posed to me is always “How? How do you do that?” There is no quick answer or magical incantation. It is a process, but it is a very positive experience that will feed your soul and your heart. Ride the wave of withdrawal and see how much easier it is to transform the discomfort to curiosity. Where is this taking me next?

Just like quicksand, there is much to learn about fear. There are steps to take to learn to identify it, discover its origin, avoid leaping into it, and survive it when it crosses our path, and build confidence by practicing our new survival skills over and over again.

For further information on getting past the fears go to www.fearlessfifties.com and check out the 10 Secrets to Taking Fear Out of Your life.



Author's Bio



Jacqueline Wales is the author of several books including The Good Enough Mother, When the Crow Sings, and the most recent The Fearless Factor: Thriving in the Jungle of Life, as well as several other compilations.

She has appeared on many radio and television shows including PBS Nightly Business Report, ABC Business Week Weekend, Be Happy Dammit on Sirius Radio and Broad Minded on XM Radio. She is currently host of her own radio show Fearlessly Speaking on www.achieveradio.com

Jacqueline currently serves on the board of The National Association of Women Business Owners and is a regular contributor to New York Business TV.