LUV Talk

LUV Talk

You've probably already practiced LUV Talk whether you realized it or not. Every time you pass through a drive-through window at your favorite fast-food restaurant, you've been engaged in LUV Talk. You place your order, then the drive-through attendant repeats your order back to you. Like the fast-food clerk repeats a customer's order, a mate using LUV Talk repeats what his or her mate has said. This communication method not only clarifies the conversation and prevents misunderstanding; it allows the couple to delve into the deeper meanings behind their words. Just imagine how many millions of dollars these fast food restaurants have spent to find the best communication method to stay "married" to their customers. We can use the same method for free to stay married to our mate.

In LUV Talk a couple follows the same basic actions that occur at the majority of fast-food restaurants. In this illustration, the wife first "places her feelings and needs order," then her husband acts like the employee. He repeats what he heard her order. "Let me see if I heard you. You are saying that it's very frustrating when I seem to ignore your feelings of fear when I don't call to let you know I am safe." She answers, "Yes, that's how I feel." Or she can make corrections to the order if he heard her incorrectly. He then responds by thinking or saying, "So, that's who you are" (validation). He doesn't have to agree with her or change any of his behaviors, or feel it's somehow his fault that she is frustrated. That's just the way she chose to react to her circumstances. After she feels understood and validated, it's his turn to share his feelings or needs. Therefore, the couple reverses positions. Now the husband has a turn to respond to his wife's order or place his own order. She becomes the restaurant employee in order to listen and validate his feelings and needs.

It has been scientifically proven that if a couple can speak to each other with honor, understanding and validation during an argument, the four divorce "germs" can be eliminated. However, there are very simple rules that must be followed when using "LUV Talk."

Employee Customer
1. L isten 1. Talk for yourself
2. U nderstand 2. Bite size phrases
3. V alidate 3. Win/Win solutions
4. R epeat