The Power of One-on-One

The secret to being a good role model and mentor is in finding out what others want and helping them succeed. The secret to being a good and wise communicator is the patient listening for those desires in others, and also in learning from the experiences of others by questioning and listening thoroughly, so that we may learn from their successes and failures.

Frank Sinatra learned his superb breath control in singing from his first band leader, Tommy Dorsey. In large part, the person Helen Keller became was because of Anne Sullivan. Plato learned from Socrates. Jesse Owens credits his winning of the long jump in the 1936 Olympics to a tip given to him by his top German competitor, Luz Long. In the middle of the event, after Owens had already fouled twice on takeoff, Long gave Owens a helpful hint on how to correct his takeoff point. The result was a record breaking leap of over 26 feet, which stood for more than 20 years.

Artists have always learned more from observing other artists than from going to classes or observing nature. In a sense, you and I are master artists who have the opportunity to breathe new colors, shading and perspective into the lives of other artists who are struggling with their oils, brushes and canvases. Think back to the people who have had the most influence on you. You will likely find that they have been people who really cared about you—your parents, a great teacher, a coach, business associate, a good friend—someone who was interested in you. The only people you will influence to any great degree will be the people you care about. When you are with people you care for, their interests, rather than your own, will be uppermost in your mind.

Our success in getting along with others and communicating effectively with them depends solely upon our ability to recognize their desires and needs, and help them fill those desires and needs with positive actions.

In the communication process, knowledge is not always wisdom, sensitivity is not always accuracy, and sympathy is not always understanding. All customer service and the ability to gain trust and repeat business is based on empathy. Empathy is “feeling with” and never assuming anything until you have “walked a mile in the other person’s moccasins.” Since it is impossible to know the road another has walked, the best alternative is to ask questions with interest and respect, and listen for the hidden agendas and desires.

In this way, you can be a Renoir to the next Monet!

—Denis Waitley