How to Get Rid of Your Big BUT - By Keith A. Shaw

In one of my motivational stories, I talk about getting rid of the word "CAN'T" from your vocabulary. You see to me, "can't" is the one of the most disempowering words known to humankind. In this story, I'd like to inspire you to get rid of your big "BUT."

Of course, I am not talking about the "BUTT" that fills out the backside of your trousers, exercise shorts, or skirt. I am referring to the grammatical word that is used to introduce something that is true, in spite of contradicting and negating everything that was said before it.

On your quest for success, communication is critical. Without high-quality communication with the people that you relate to on a daily basis, whether they are at your place of business or your social circle, you cannot be successful.

Those who communicate best are the ones that are the most successful. Poor communication affects the way others perceive, understand, and react to you. When you are a person who uses the "BUT" in your conversations every day, it acts just like a double-edged sword in that it can make you appear to others in one of these two ways.

Here's my meaning #1 of how you misuse the word "But"...

When you use the word "But" in ways such as in the examples below, you contradict yourself and run the risk of being viewed as one who does not get the job done and makes excuses.

Here are some examples that you may have used in either your professional or personal life:

"I would have been on time to the meeting, BUT I lost track of time."

"I wish I was more successful, BUT I never had the chance to go to a university or college."

"I wish I was thinner, in better shape, weighed 20 pounds less, etc., BUT I have no time to exercise."

I think you get the idea. As a person who wants to be seen as successful, motivated, and determined, you do not want to give others the impression of one who makes excuses.

Here's my Meaning #2 of how you might misuse the word "But"...

When you use "But" in ways such as in these examples, it can make you look and sound negative. If you are in a position in which you have people working for or reporting to you, it can certainly demoralize and disempower your team.

For instance:

"I liked your presentation, BUT we have never done that before."

"We made progress, BUT we are still short of the numbers."

"Thanks for the gift, BUT it is not my color."

By now you may be asking (here's the deep radio announcer-type voice), "Well, what word should I use that does not make me appear as one who makes excuses or is perceived as negative?"

Let's take one example from each meaning above to illustrate a positive, powerful, proactive approach.

"I would have been on time to the meeting, AND I apologize for losing track of time. I commit to being on time to the meeting from this point forward."

"I liked your presentation, AND we have never done that before. Let's work together to ensure that we have all of the resources we need to be successful."

By using the positive word "AND" with careful selection of the dialogue that follows, you can turn a negative situation into a plus.

Remember my saying that "Every action you take or make, no matter how big or how small, defines everything that you do in life." Look at any of the successful people you know and study the way they communicate. You will see that through their words and tonality what comprises their formula for success. Take action today and get rid of your big BUT.

Copyright 2008 by Keith A. Shaw and Mind Body Spirit Central.com, LLC. All rights reserved. No portion of this article may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means -- electronic, mechanical, photocopying, audio or video recording or otherwise -- without the written permission of the author and publisher.

About the Author:

Keith A. Shaw is president of http://www.MindBodySpiritCentral.com, headquartered in Mount Laurel, New Jersey. He is an authority on motivation, success, self-improvement, health, and wellness.