Success Is Not Always Up

By Robert Holden, Ph.D

The highest reward from your working is not what you get for it but what you become by it. – Sydney Harris

I have made a living by asking people a very simple question: "What is success?" I have asked this question in boardrooms, hospitals, churches, town halls, theaters, health clinics -- virtually everywhere. I often find that even the most eloquent, accomplished people can stumble over their answer. Frankly, it is my experience that most people spend less time defining success than, for example, they take to complete a will. This is not much time, really, particularly when you consider that most people don't write a will. In 1989, at just 24 years old, I founded a government-sponsored health clinic called "Stress Busters." For the next five years I offered a free service to people suffering from stress and stress-related illness. I worked with hundreds of people in group settings and one-on-one counseling. It was a massive education for me. One major lesson I learned is that stress is not just a physical ailment; it is also a symptom of deeper issues, such as a lack of self-knowledge, an absence of purpose, and having no clear definition of success.

At my Stress Busters Clinic, I once worked with a group of 12 heart-attack survivors on an eight-week recovery program. They were all men in their early 40s to mid-50s. They had very different backgrounds and were from different cultures, in different professions, and with different incomes. That said, all the men in this group had two major things in common. First, none of them had ever formulated a personal definition of success; second, in the three years prior to his heart attack, each had taken a promotion up the company ladder to do a job he truthfully didn't enjoy.

Graham was one of the group. He was 42 years old, a BBC engineer, recovering from triple-bypass surgery for a massive heart attack that almost killed him.

"I was told that I technically died twice on the operating table," he told me. Two years earlier Graham had accepted his first management position. "I hated it," he told me. "Something inside me was telling me it wasn't right. My wife told me the same. But I didn't listen." Graham was an engineer who worked on live coverage for BBC sports events. He spent much of his time at football fields, athletic stadiums, and horse tracks. This was the perfect job for Graham, who was a huge sports fan. After Graham's promotion he spent all of his time in an office pushing paper and making phone calls. He hated his job, his health suffered, and he was difficult to live with. He was eventually prescribed antidepressants for stress.

"Why did you take the promotion?" I asked. "I felt I couldn't turn down a management position. It was a move up," he replied. Graham nearly sold his life away for a goal called "up." Like many people, he had been brought up to believe that "up" is good and that "up" represents success. He grew up watching his parents keep "up" with the Joneses. He watched his colleagues, some younger than he, climb "up" the company ladder. He watched his upwardly mobile friends, who were always shopping for an upmarket lifestyle. Graham decided to give "up" a go, and it led to a serious breakdown. On his way up Graham had lost sight of what he truly valued, and he nearly lost his life as well.

Measuring Success

Graham is an example of someone who had worked hard at success without ever working out what success is. When I asked Graham, "What is success?" he gave me vague answers littered with quantity measurements like "more," "big," "bigger," "higher," and "up." His thoughts were empty of any value measurements, such as "happiness," "love," "peace of mind," "service," and "gratitude." In short, Graham's definition of success had no heart. "Up" is not a bad goal. The upside of a goal like "up" is that it can inspire, stretch, and motivate a person to do great things. Aiming for the "top," for example, can inspire brilliant performances and accomplishments. Reaching for "higher ground" can give rise to great creativity and contribution. Up-goals can help a person to evolve and grow in so many ways. I have never told anyone to give up their up-goals, but I have often reminded people that "up" is just one way -- and not the only way -- to measure success. "Up" has its place, but a person must know what that place is. Otherwise, many people who are busy climbing the corporate ladder just keep climbing because they haven't any idea why they are climbing. Otherwise, many people who reach the top tax bracket simply continue to earn more money because they don't know what else to do. Many businesses that focus exclusively on increasing company share price ad infinitum lose sight of the spirit and purpose of what they do. They focus only on "up" and so they fall down. "Up" is not the whole answer to success. One downside of "up" is that it is entirely future focused. People who measure success only in terms of "up" run the risk of missing out on life along the way. In the chase for success, they continue to hurry up, and they keep missing out on important moments, neglecting valuable relationships, forgetting their values, and losing their way. Just as Graham the BBC engineer had done. "Up" is about a better future, hopefully, but the climb is often at the expense of a better life in the meantime. "Up" is okay, though, so long as it serves a higher vision.

About the Author:
Robert Holden, Ph.D., is the Director of The Happiness Project and Success Intelligence. His innovative work on happiness and success has been featured on Oprah and in two major BBC-TV documentaries, "The Happiness Formula" and "How to Be Happy," shown in 16 countries to more than 30 million television viewers. Robert is a consultant and coach to leading brands and organizations such as Dove, Virgin, The Body Shop, and Comic Relief.